Tired and uninspired

Everyday is a routine. Work, sleep, run, work.
I've realized that despite being surrounded, I don't have anyone to confide in. My pride in stubbornness yields to nothing and no one, not even my reluctance in the issue. I crave rest and time for myself in these endless days.

My survival and sanity is attributed from artificial highs of caffeine.
This is my life and this is depression settling in.

Ummm...

I have come to trust nothing but seclusion. What a terrible condition to be so indifferent to my own thoughts and feelings, that which of the second is non-existant; with the exception of anxiety. This happens more so than not. So then what issue is there to resolve?... Being a passive bitch? Frankly, in such a state; I've clearly no motivation to do so.

Mmm, whatever. This could take a while, bare with me please.

Blind and Lost

This past week I've felt myself slip away as stress and new anxieties settle in. I'm sassless; unorganized and frazzled.

It's as if my eye sight ceased to serve purpose and I've managed to wonder into a forest where I aimlessly stumble and reach for anything familiar but I've grown weary and this discrepance exists merely to indisposes of my conviction.

Mostly, my gaze falls to the floor, entangled in thought; completely oblivious to the world around me and then I come to realize that I am beyond bewildered. I've done so randomly for an hour while typing this rant, it's no wonder why my neck has been so distressed.

Sometimes I wonder if my distorted perception is shared... I hope not.

T.M.A.B.B.E!

So this is a recipe for truly the most amazing banana bread ever!














You will need:

• 1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 1/4 TS double-acting baking powder
• 1/3 TS salt
• 1/4 butter
• 1/3 sugar
• 1/3 brown sugar
• 3/4 grated lemon rind
• 2 eggs
• 3 bananas mixed to pulp
• 1/2 cup chopped walnuts (optional)
  
• 1/4 cup finely chopped apricots (optional)
  

1. Set your oven to 350 degrees
2. In separate bowl sift together: flour, baking powder & salt
3. Blend together: butter, sugar & lemon rind
4. Beat in eggs and banana pulp to the butter mix
5. Add power ingredients to wet mix, beat until smooth
   
6. Fold in walnuts and apricot
7. Spray pan w/cooking or canola oil, pour batter into

Bake for 45 minutes and let cool before cutting into!
For a sugar crumb topping you will need:

• 1/4 cup Brown sugar
• 1/2 TS nutmeg or cinnamon
• 1 TBSP butter

1. Mix ingredients together by crumbling with your hand and fingers!
2. 35 minutes into baking the bread, open oven and crumble the topping with fingers to cover the top of the loaf.

When finished, it will be a beautiful golden brown!

This is one of my favorite dessert breads to make, I hope you enjoy it as well!

On Insincerity

I'm learning to withdraw from impersonal confrontations and to hold those who are precious in the highest of esteem.

"How are you"... no one ever wants an honest answer from this question, everyone is too caught up in their own egos and arguable comparisons. An insincere question fittingly deserves an equally insincere answer.
I'm fantastic, do you feel better about yourself now? They have no invested interest or benevolent concern. Why is this never asked in joyous times? Why do they ask when the response is by rote? Lastly, why do I bother? Because I truly do care.

Empyreal

You just may be the most beautiful phenomenon that I've even known.



This is no coincidence, it's a sign of cosmic proportions.

Fascinating!

I'm truly happy, everything is nearly in it's right place. I feel so blessed and feisty!

Baby Steps

I'm going to make a conscious effort to be less cynical and right now, that means proving to myself that dating and relationships aren't going to damn me to hell. The worst that can happen is that my hypothesis is proved right.

Heres to hope.

Astounding Circulation

It's been a while since I last felt my heart, to feel the embodiment of thrill, optimism and love; the throbbing within my chest to awaken me with a newfound knowledge.

I've never felt more comfortable in my being. It took many years to watch insecurities drift away, to let go and have blind faith and in these trials I've learned that just when you start to feel afflicted by fear, then is the time to close your eyes and jump. Faith is everything.

The reward is much greater when you take a risk. The turnout, although humble, will be satisfiable in conquering your fears.

detached

Nothing thrills me anymore.

Least Favorite of All Dishonorable Suitor Traits.

I dislike hearing kiss and tell stories which involve me! I have enough decency to respect whomever I may or may not have locked lips with, apparently my sensational selection of men do not adhere to the same values.

I'm so disappointed.

Nostalgia

To come of age to properly analyze the consequences of one's actions is to posses poise. Nostalgia will always serve as a fair reminder of bliss that was my youth, to kiss with passion, the caress of conviction and the simple beauty of auspicious innocence. For all these are distant memories but it has occurred to me that in this new being, how beautiful these things could be if ever I should find this again, how much more appreciative I would be that fate so brought me to this benediction.

Currently listening to: "shaking" by Sugarcult, what candid memories!

The Good and The Bad

In my own defense, I'd have to say that I am not manipulative in the least.
As for the rest, yeah its pretty true.

At worst, they're intimidated.

I'm growing weary of bias readers who assume the ending when they haven't even bothered to read half of the book.

If this was meant to be war, my white flag was waving long before their spies crossed enemy lines.

So what's with the metaphor? They don't deserve the credit. Really, fuck it.

This is a blog!

...And this is me not reallyblogging because I don't have the time right now, I'll update you later!